I've been listening to a bunch of actual whole albums lately, most of it is really really mind bendingly good, individual songs have a completely different face in the proper context.

The really really fucking good ones:
The Flaming Lips - The Soft Bulletin
The Pixies - Doolittle
The Arcade Fire - Funeral
Radiohead - The Bends
Eastern Youth - What Can You See From Your Place
My Bloody Valentine - Loveless

My roomate has left for the weekend so i'm all alone, it's kind of pathetic. I think he's the only reason I've even sort of socialized.

I talked to Emma a while ago, I really miss her, she's one of the few people who could understand me while still not taking my bullshit.

I've found it easier to communicate my feelings, but i won't go into it. This blog is just a way for me to admit to things without being accountable for it, and i'm starting to think that that is very silly and immature. Certainly i could put up a comments thing but those are just words, and i wouldn't care. I don't like machines as it turns out, i've just pretended to.

But basically I'm lonely, and sort of sad, and very frustrated. I like some of the people here but it's difficult for me to just talk to someone, which i guess is the frustration. Some of it anyway, the other part comes from this feeling of mediocrity - like i'm doing well in my classes, but i've realized that there's nothing at all special about me, unlike everyone else. Looking around anyone you see no matter how stereotypically whatever could be a concert pianist or a poet or simply a fucking genius. that's probably not true, but i've yet to be proved wrong. i wish i could write, that makes me feel good sorta, I really want to do a really good short story, but i don't have the time.

Marquis De Sade is disturbing, but not in the way that you think. Just too many similarities.

I really wanna go home.

people in glass houses don't throw (i'm finding it impossible to make a blog post that makes sense. suffice it to say that ncssm is difficult and i miss being home with people i know and a group and being able to talk to things with my mouth. however this weekend of being with my family has made me realized that if i were to leave i would be screwing myself out of a huge oppurtunity and that i would spend the next two years suffocating. i love my family though, and i love my friends. but at home it's too much, whereas here there's not enough. i suppose my logic is that i have room to build and it's to early to tell if it will be beautiful to our eyes. where you are there is too much deconstruction which needs to be done to make it complete. suffice it to say that i am leaving behind a bloody fucking mess.) stones.